


even if we can't find heaven

by Nina_683



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Apocalypse, Chan and Felix are brothers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-01 04:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13990905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nina_683/pseuds/Nina_683
Summary: The end of the world oozes in like an oil slick: dark, smoky, and putrid. Chan only chooses to ignore it.





	1. What I Like About You

**Author's Note:**

> Now you may be thinking- Chan and Jisung?? Why?? [But trust me ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/fea4f1f9128073a040d49933a58d740c/tumblr_oyu3z1sNSm1wqapk7o3_r1_400.gif)[on this, they're ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DVFe22kU0AEMVCo.jpg)[hella cute](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DVFe7brVoAERaTc.jpg)

The end of the world oozes in like an oil slick: dark, smoky, and putrid. Chan only chooses to ignore it. 

It's easier to stay happy in his small convenience store, one of many off-brand chains in the city, working alongside his little brother. It paid a decent amount, and he was content with too-slow conveyor belts and the misshapen flagstones at the entrance- its flaws made it unique.

They had a fair amount of regulars, such as the school trio, as he had taken to calling them in his head. They arrived promptly at 6 after school everyday, loading their pockets with whatever their little pocket money could buy.

He didn't know their names, but had grown quite fond of the trio, particularly the smallest boy, who had fluffy black hair that fell in front of eyes and wide dimpled grin. More often than not, they would find an extra chocolate bar or sweet slipped alongside their purchases, and Chan would simply wink and wave them along.

There's also Minho and Woojin, who always complain about the state of their flat as they reach the checkout, bitterly debating over who's turn it was to do laundry or whether Minho had really hidden Woojin's guitar pick.

He wondered if they were suited to being roommates, but never intervened- it wasn't his business. He just checked out their items silently, listening to their conversation with one ear out as he scans.

And then there was the idiot who got off the train three stops early to come to the convenience store… to talk.

“Don't you have something better to be doing, Han Jisung?” Chan huffs, taking the packet of fried squid from the boy.

Jisung leans forwards on the counter, propping his chin on a hand. “Of course not, this is the best thing I could be doing. Are you trying to get rid of me?” He pouts.

“Yes, that's exactly what he's doing!” Felix shouts somewhere from the depths of the storeroom.

“He can speak for himself!” Jisung yells back, and Chan almost drops the kimbap in his hands.

“Jesus Christ, both of you, shut up.” He commands, scanning the kimbap and throwing the items into a small plastic bag. He ties the bag up and hands it to the boy.

Felix slinks out the storeroom, wheeling a crate of fresh produce behind him. “Jisung, back again I see.” He comments disgustedly, returning Jisung's middle finger with equal vigour.

Chan slaps the back of his head. “What would mum say if she saw that behaviour, huh? Go stock the shelves.”

Felix rubs the back of his head, pouting. He wheels his crate glumly over to the fruits and vegetables aisle and begins putting them away.

Jisung snickers victoriously, and Chan rolls his eyes. High-schoolers. To be fair he was only 20 himself, but he considered himself a great deal more mature than the two. “Cash or credit.” He asks boredly, and Jisung pulls notes out of his boot and hands it over the counter.

Chan wrinkles his nose, but puts the money in the counter anyway. Jisung grins, pulling his scarf tighter round his neck. He notices absently that the boy's nose is bright red, and wonders if he's taking care of his health properly.

“Till the next encounter!” Jisung sings, skipping out the store and into the snow with the bag in his hand swinging wildly. He blows Chan a kiss before he goes, and somewhere by the vegetables, Felix mimes throwing up.

The bell on the door tinkles merrily as Jisung leaves the store, ringing him out of sight but not out of Chan's mind.

“Chris,” Felix pops up suddenly from behind a shelf, “do you know if the new strawberry shipment is in yet?”

He shakes his head, biting his lip. “No, they're running behind schedule I guess. Tried contacting them but they haven't replied yet.”

Felix frowns, putting down the potato sack in his hands, heavily. “It's been more than a week, they should be here by now.”

“I know, I'm thinking about switching vendors if they aren't here by tomorrow. Just give it one more day- I'm sure they're just running a little behind.”

Felix nods.

Somewhere, a way away from their store in a small, nameless city, the air thickens.

#

The trio stop coming after the first bombs hit just south of the border. Chan hasn't heard anything about school being cancelled from Felix- they're too far down south to be in real danger right now.

The eldest of them, Hyunjin, he learns is his name, comes one last time with a hunched over lady with Chan assumes is mother. They're going to Europe, Hyunjin explains as Chan bags his items, to leave before the situation can worsen.

He almost wants to ask about the the other two, but bites his tongue. Hyunjin nods to him in thanks as he leaves the store, and Chan nods back grimly, feeling his heart become heavier as the bell rings to indicate their exit.

He hopes Hyunjin finds the extra chocolate bar he'd packed into their bag.

Woojin comes alone to do his grocery shopping a week later, after news of bombs hitting neighbouring cities reach their neighborhood. His eyes are rimmed with red as he talks about Minho’s study program abroad, and Chan wonders if he's misread their seemingly bitter relationship.

He signs the end of the receipt with his contact details, snapping it off and handing it to Woojin. In case you need someone to talk to, he explains to Woojin's curious eyes, and he smiles and pockets it gratefully.

That's the last time Chan ever sees the blond-dyed boy, and he stops accepting shipments of the water bottles he knows the boy loves.

They have too many of them anyway, now.

He sweeps the store grimly as evening approaches, flipping the ‘open’ sign to ‘closed’ as he passes the door. Felix comes up behind him, toying with the cross in his ear.

“Mum and dad called.” He begins, apprehensive, and Chan already knows what he's going to say. “They want us to come home. Back to Australia.”

Chan rests the broom against the door, the handle making a small ‘click’ as it connects with the glass. “I know, they already spoke to me.”

Felix sighs heavily, shifting the weight of the backpack on his shoulder. “You said no, didn't you?”

The silence is answer enough, and Felix pleads his brother to come with him, but Chan steadily refuses.

“I can't Fe,” He shrugs, “I can't leave this place.”

Felix wheedles some more, but deep down, he understands. Understands how Chan likes the slight curve in the tracks right in front of the store that makes the train screech as it passes by and how he likes the view from the window in the far corner that gives a perfect square of the horizon every dawn and dusk.

The sun begins to dip down below the skyline.

“This is my home now.”

Felix sighs in defeat.

#

He leaves the morning after and Chan sees him off to the airport.

“Don't you dare forget to call.” Felix threatens as he hugs Chan tightly, but the intimidating effect is somewhat ruined by his relentless sobbing.

He's still crying as he boards the airplane, shoulders shaking. Felix had always followed his older brother around since a young age, and loved him fiercely, threatening anyone to tried to take Chan away from him even as a toddler.

In a way, the separation is harder on Felix than it is on Chan himself.

He goes home and cries into his soup while watching reruns of Korean cartoons, thumb poised on the dial button for his mum's number.

He falls asleep watching Doraemon fall off a tree for the fifth time, phone thrown carelessly on the floor. Chan wakes up in the morning with an aching neck and crusty eyes, feeling like utter shit.

Sitting on the couch, rubbing his eyes blearily next to a mountain of empty soup cans, he wonders if this is what he stayed for.


	2. Chapter 2

Jisung swings by the next day to the store, ambling through the aisles as he picks a selection of packet ramyun. “Ah, Felix left too?” He asks as he unloads the food on the conveyor belt. “I'm gonna kind of miss him.”

“What are you doing here, Jisung?” Chan asks tiredly, scanning the items on autopilot.

The cinema just east of their town was attacked yesterday, blown up in a matter of seconds, taking a large number of buildings with it.

The local high school had been shut down, and there are talks of evacuating the town altogether. Despite this constant threat hanging over their head like a noose, Jisung continues to arrive at the store everyday for his ramyun, unfailingly cheery.

He shrugs. “I'm just here to eat. Gotta stock up on my food before it's too late.” Jisung answers carelessly, but there is a solemn undercurrent to his voice.

Chan stops scanning, hand resting on a packet of curry-flavored ramyun. “No, I mean why are you still in this place. Why haven't you moved yet? Where are your parents?”

“My parents? They're in Malaysia.” He answers, and Chan feels a jolt of understanding sympathy, living abroad from your parents.

“They haven't asked you to go them?” 

“They have.” Jisung bites his lip, worrying the pink flesh with his teeth. His lips are dry and flaky from the cold outside, and he's no longer wearing the scarf he was sporting only a week ago.

“You said no?”

Jisung shakes his head, silent.

Chan doesn't ask why, it's none of his business. But in that moment, he feels a startling amount of empathy towards this 17 year old boy, stranded from his parents- by choice.

He feels as if this is the most they've ever understood each other, standing under the flickering light bulb of his dim convenience store as the radio behind him chatters softly on about the current status of the war.

He scans the last item, and reaches behind him to turn the radio off. “Hey,” he starts, catching Jisung's attention, “have you ever been snowboarding?”

Jisung shakes his head, puzzled, and Chan grins widely. 

“Do you want to?”

#

They take some old serving trays Chan finds in the back of the storeroom and head north to a cluster of hills only ten minutes away from his apartment.

Trekking up the hill, he can almost taste ash in the air in his tongue, remnants from the explosion only a matter of miles away.

Jisung wrinkles his nose as a snowflake lands delicately on the tip of his nose, trying to wriggle it off without his hands. Chan watches as it melts, throwing a length of rope to the boy.

“Here,” he says, ‘tie your feet to the board with this.” 

They lace up their feet as tightly as they can to the trays, double knotting the rope to ensure firmness. “From here it's pretty basic,” Chan explains, “just slide down the hill on the board and try not to fall over.”

“This doesn't seem like the way to teach a beginner!” Jisung warbles as he wobbles across to the edge of the hill.

He clutches onto Chan’s arm as his arms windmill, struggling desperately to maintain his balance. 

Chan shrugs. “It's not. But you learn it now or never, right?”

He pushes himself down the hill, leaning his body forward just enough so that he doesn't fall. The wind whips in his ears as he slides, and he can feel the snow swirling around him with every inch of his outspread body.

It's exhilarating, and he reaches the bottom of the hill with a face red from exertion and happiness. He cheers happily to the grey sky, turning back to see how Jisung's doing.

He laughs, startled, at the sight he sees before him. Jisung settles himself upright, brushing the snow off his beanie with as much indignance as one who had just had their head in the snow could muster. “Oh, piss off!” He grumbles at Chan's laughter, stumbling up from the ground. “Like you've never fallen before!”

“No,” Chan musters between laughs, “but I've never fallen horizontally with my head straight down the snow.”

Jisung shoots him a nasty look, still struggling to right himself. Taking pity on him, Chan helps the boy up and to the top of the slope again, this time trying to actually teach him the basics of snowboarding.

“Okay, so you lean forward like this, not too-” Chan demonstrates the stance required for snowboarding, leaning forward with legs apart when he feels a light pressure on his back.

Suddenly, he is propelled forward and falls over his serving tray, landing facedown in the snow after tumbling a few times. “Ppft!” He spits out the snow in his mouth, shaking his head vigorously.

“You!” He calls menacingly, pointing a threatening finger uphill to Jisung, who is in stitches at the top. “You'll pay for that!”

“Try me, old man!” 

He hears a shout, and watches Jisung straighten and begin to jump away on his tray. “Oh no you don't!” He mutters lowly to himself, and wobbles to his feet, untying them from the tray.

With his legs now free, he sprints after Jisung, tray in one hand, and tackles the boy with a loud war cry, knocking them both over in a tangled heap. Jisung releases an aborted noise of surprise as they fall, knocking his skinny elbow into Chan's side.

He can feel Jisung’s warm breath puffing against his ear as he tickles the other boy mercilessly, and Chan half-wishes he could freeze this moment in time, so he never has to get up from this.

#

“Here.” Chan says, handing him a key well-worn from use, placing it firmly in Jisung's hand.

The boy stops unloading his items into the counter, staring at the rusted key in his palm. “What- what is this?”

“My apartment key.” He answers shortly, reaching over to snag a packet of crisps from Jisung's basket. “You said your place got wrecked- so you can come to mine.”

Jisung looks up at him in wonder, fingers curling tentatively round the key. “Really? You would do that?” His smile is wide and brilliant, and really, if Chan had had any doubts left at this point, they would’ve been obliterated by that godforsaken smile.

“Of course,” he says, and doesn't ponder too long on the funny feeling in his chest when Jisung grins again, even brighter.


	3. 3

The debris makes the damage to the store appear more severe than it really is- it's just the after effects of pieces of shrapnel- collateral damage.

It's just Chan's luck that he's inside when it happens.

He's in the storeroom when he hears it, a muffled ‘boom’ in the distance. The ground shakes, the walls crumble, glass shatters. Chan curls into himself behind the counter.

Then the air stills, hanging eerie and silent, and Chan counts each frantic beat of his heart that thuds into his ribcage. He can hear his breaths as he forces them out his dry throat, ragged and shaky.

He peers over the counter hesitantly, eyeing the gaping hole in the ceiling, and the turned over shelves of fresh produce and toiletries. Glass is littered haphazardly across the floor, shining in the light beaming through the broken window.

Chan gets to his feet, clearing his throat to dislodge the ash collecting uncomfortably in his mouth. Nothing a broom and pan can't handle, he reassures himself, surveying the chaos.

He's in the middle of pushing asphalt blocks out the store when he hears hurried footsteps echoing off the crumbled walls, and breathless panting. Seconds later, Jisung collapses at his feet.

“What are you doing here?” Chan demands. “You’re meant to be back at the apartment.”

Jisung glances up at him, hands on his knees as he gasps out between heavy inhales, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Chan blinks, and then gestures helplessly at the heap of cement that used to be part of his store. "Well, it seems like the world is ending. I thought you'd have noticed and had the sense not to come here.”

"Oh. No, I didn't notice." Jisung straightens, shoulders heaving one last time as he put his hands on his hips. "I was too busy running here."

Chan shakes his head in disbelief, but he can't hide the ragged smile on his face as turns away.

#

They're in the middle of watching old reruns of 90s Korean telly, the sort of thing Jisung thinks his mum would've watched, when his phone rings.

It buzzes insistently against his thigh, startling Chan awake from where he's fallen asleep, head lolling into the crook of Jisung's neck. Jisung carefully disentangles himself from the other boy's octopus-like grip, accepting the call as he treads quickly to the kitchen.

“Hello?” He answers, holding it up to his ear.

“Jisung! Jisung y-you have to come, Jisung-” It's his mother, hysterical as she sobs down the phone. “You have to c-come home.”

“Ma, slow down!” Jisung commands, shifting the phone closer. “What happened, are you okay?” He questions, chewing on his lip.

“Oh Jisungie- it's, it's your father. He's ill, t-terminally.”

He thinks he hears her to go on, sobbing something about not being able to support the both of them by herself, but he's completely blanked out, staring dazedly at the tiled floor.

He can see his blurred reflection in the microwave door, tears glinting brightly in his wide eyes.

#

He'll never tell anyone but Chan the reason he first visited the convenience store- that secret he wanted to remain between the two of them and a few of his friends.

Truth be told, it was because he had a massive, sappy crush on Felix, Chan's little brother and part-time worker at the store.

They were in the same year, and though Felix never really spoke to him, he thought that the boy was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, by simply existing. Whether he was dancing, laughing with his friends, or simply bagging items in a dingy 24/7.

“He shines!” Jisung groans to Hyunjin, who isn't even pretending to listen anymore. “Have you seen that smile? It's perfect. Why hasn't Colgate signed him up yet?”

He suddenly sits up, disrupting Hyunjin's game of SuperStar JYP. “Oh my god, guys. We should call Colgate and tell them to sign him!”

Seungmin delicately picks a piece of lettuce out from his burger and slings it at Jisung. “For god's sake, shut up! You wanna stare at his teeth so bad then go to the store he works at.”

Jisung perks up. “Oh?”

And so he goes, dressed in his best clothes of course, to the store after school. He'd have to walk the rest of the way home after foregoing the train, but he convinces himself that it was worth it.

The door to the store opens with a merry jingle, alerting the boy sweeping along the snacks aisle to his presence. He doesn't seem to be much older than Jisung, tan with messy blond hair that complements his face immensely.

Jisung nods at him quickly, hurrying by and grabbing a packet of crisps at random as he passes. Clutching the crinkling item to his chest, he skitters over to the counter, where the blond-haired boy is now standing.

“Uh, hi,” he starts hesitantly as he places the packet down, “do you know where Lee Felix is today?”

The boy quirks an eyebrow. “Fe? Should be at home, playing video games on his lazy ass. Why do you want to know?”

His eyes widen and he flaps his hands nervously. “Ah, nothing! Just wondering, friend from school.”

“Right.” The cashier nods, clearly not impressed. “That'll be £3.50 then.”

Jisung hurriedly hands the change over, eager to escape the store. The boy hands the crisps over, and Jisung thanks him, preparing to leave.

“That's his favourite flavour.”

Jisung stops, mid-step, turning back. “Huh?”

“That.” Chan nods to the packet in his hands. “If you get him that, he'll love you forever.”

He has a small, secretive smile on his face that tells Jisung that he knows exactly what he's up to, and can't help but grin back.

From there he comes everyday, receiving small tips from who he learns to be Chan, Felix's older brother. He tries to talk to Felix as much as he can, but the younger boy is usually relegated to the storeroom and Jisung never gets a chance to speak to him.

So instead he spends his time conversing with Chan, and finds himself genuinely falling for him more and more. He's never nervous around him like he is Felix, sauntering into the store and complaining loudly about his day to the older boy with shame, blowing kisses when he leaves.

He still thinks Felix is beautiful, without a doubt, but there's a sense of relief in him when he comes to the shop after a tiring day and sees Chan's dimpled smile.

Jisung doesn't have much in Korea. No parents, no siblings, no partners- but he has Chan, a grounding force among the sifting ocean of his life.

#

“You're going?” Chan asks, leaning against the doorway. He'd only heard bits and pieces of the conversation- but it was enough.

Jisung nods solemnly, staring down at the floor. He keeps clenching and unclenching his fist, a coping mechanism? Chan lightly treads over to the boy, wrapping his arms around him.

“Hey,” he whispers, “you're going to be okay.” He pats Jisung's back, who shakes beneath him.

Jisung shakes his head, voice wet with grief. “No, I'm not. My dad's dying and I have no choice but to leave this place.”

“Well there's nothing that great about Korea anyway.” Chan consoles. “You can find everything you do here over there, you'll forget not wanting to leave in no time.”

“No you don't understand.” Jisung presses the heel of his palms to his eyes. “I'd finally adjusted to life here, finally found a place for myself. I'll never be a typical Korean citizen when I missed out on majority of my school years here, and I still don't know the culture well enough, but dammit, I was just starting to feel like I belonged.” 

He looks up at Chan. “Now I have to leave all that, and go home and be disorientated all over again. I have to look after my dying father, who was a dick to me all his life but I still, for some reason, feel sorry for.”

“That's…” Chan is speechless, trailing off. “I'm sorry?”

Jisung sniffs, wiping his eyes. “Don't be. You made my time here worthwhile.”

He steps back from the hug, sighing heavily. When he looks up again, it's with dry eyes. “I suppose I better go pack.”

“I suppose you do.”

#

Chan goes back to Australia after that. 

He doesn't see the point in remaining to tend to the store, it's collapsed in on itself, and it hardly seems the same without Jisung in it, prowling around while shouting pick-up lines at Chan.

He comes home and waits out the war with his family, spending spring and summer going out with his old friends and messing around with Felix. They go out to get ice-cream often to combat the beating sun, cycling to the local convenience store round the corner for a Cornetto.

It doesn't look like his old store, not really, but he can't help but feel a pang of bitterness whenever he sees it. They abandon their bikes on the sidewalk, entering with loud chatter.

Felix makes a bee-line to Changbin, the cute employee he'd been infatuated with recently, and Chan heads for the freezers, with the ice-cream. He ambles over to the freezer aisle, joining someone dressed in a loose grey hoodie, back turned.

He taps on their shoulder politely, needing them to move aside so he can open the freezer lid. They turn around, and Chan almost drops the keys he's swinging round his finger.

“Jisung?” He exclaims in shock.

“Chan?”

He's dyed his hair a faded red, and is wearing a black face mask, but Chan would recognise that face anywhere. “How- what?” He stutters, and Jisung laughs gaily, recovering from his shock and taking his arm.

“Ah right, you probably have a lot of questions about I ended up here.” He pulls down the facemask, revealing a cheeky grin. “Well, too-bad. Crisps first, questions later!” He cheers, pulling Chan along behind him as he suddenly starts running through the aisle.

“Hey!” Chan protests as he's dragged, but he can't even deny his happiness through his wide grin and crinkling eyes.

He can't help but think, as Jisung looks back at him with a beaming smile, that this is how it should be.


End file.
